Thriving Beyond Forty — A Lifestyle Workshop in Blog Form - Part 2

Pillar 4: Calm the Mind, Steady the Day

Stress in mid-life is not a character flaw; it is a condition of modern life. A little stress on the violin strings is what keeps it in tune. The aim is not to remove stress but to build a calmer baseline that is more in sync with our inner self, making us more efficient and in control:

• A two-minute breath pause anywhere, anytime: inhale slowly for four counts, exhale for six to eight. Repeat five rounds. This switches on the body’s “rest” pathways.
• A pocket practice you enjoy: bhajans, chanting, nature sounds, gratitude journaling, or quiet prayer. Every two minutes count.
• News and notifications on a leash. Decide when you will read messages; don’t let every notification own you, disturbing, distracting.
• Make a worry list—write down what your mind loops around. If it is solvable, list one next step. If not, mark it as “parked,” and re-visit weekly.

These are small steps, but I have seen them soften the tense jaw, reduce night-time wakefulness, and make it easier to say “no” to mindless snacking.

Pillar 5: Relationships and Purpose

Humans are social animals. We heal in connection. Women often carry an invisible workload—the family calendar, the grocery list in your head, the emotional temperature of the home, work claim on time and energy, trying to reach higher in workplace hierarchy to name a few. Mid-life is a good time to put some of that load on the table and share it.

• Name your circle. Who are your three people you can call at 10 p.m.? Tell them they are on your list.
• Rekindle spark in close relationships: your spouse, immediate family. Let them be a part of your everyday mental and physical life and you be a part of theirs. Intimacy cures many ills. This also avoids the midlife divorces that are now frequent.
• Ask for support clearly: “I need 30 minutes after dinner for my walk. Can you take the kitchen then? Or let us walk for 30 minutes now, and clean up together after? ”
• Find a buddy. A family member, neighbour, sister, colleague—walk together, message each other a check-mark after your practice.
• Do one thing for just the joy—gardening, singing, knitting, reading aloud, learning kathak or yoga basics—because joy is not a luxury; it is fuel to keep you integrated with yourself.
• Remember purpose. Many women tell me, “I want to be present and mobile when my grandchild arrives,” or “I want to travel without getting breathless.” Write your “why” and keep it where you can see it to motivate yourself.

Pillar 6: Substances and Safety

I want to keep this pillar simple and non-judgmental:

• Tobacco—best avoided in all forms, for you and your home.
• Alcohol—be honest with how it affects your sleep, mood, and stomach; if you drink, keep it occasional and modest.
• Medicines and supplements—be thoughtful. Avoid self-medicating. Ask your doctor about what truly suits you, especially in perimenopause and menopause.
• Screening and vaccines—be regular. A few age-appropriate checks and timely vaccines are part of safety. (Your doctor will guide you based on national guidelines and your health profile.)

The Science of Motivation (Why We “Know” But Don’t “Do”)

This is where many good plans fail. Not because we are weak, but because human brains are built to save effort and chase quick comfort. So we design change around that truth:

1. Start tiny. If “30 minutes daily” feels impossible, set “5 minutes after dinner” as your real goal. Tiny goals are easier to keep and they re-wire the brain with success.
2. Tie a new habit to an old one. “After I brush at night, I will stretch for two minutes.” The existing routine becomes a hook leading to the next.
3. Make it visible. Put fruit at eye level; keep your walking shoes near the door; set a water bottle at your desk. You should not have to make extra effort for that new change you are trying to incorporate in your life.
4. Reduce friction. If chopping vegetables is the barrier to taking more veggies in your meals, use pre-cut packs on busy days. If evenings are chaotic, walk in the morning.
5. Reward yourself kindly. A check-mark on a calendar is a reward; a short phone call with a friend after your walk is a reward. Celebrate “kept promises” more than kilos lost.

When women shift from “I must be perfect” to “I must be regular,” progress happens almost quietly. It is not about burning willpower; it is about building identity: “I am the kind of person who takes a 10-minute walk after dinner.”

The Cultural & Gender Lens

In Indian homes, culture is both a resource and a barrier. We have deep traditions of home cooking, family meals, and community support—huge strengths. But we also have habits like women eating last, sweet snacks at every celebration, and a silent expectation that a woman must “manage it all.”

So we do two things:

• Use culture as leverage. Turn festivals into health rituals—family walk after Diwali dinner; make healthier versions of traditional snacks; organize a cousins’ step challenge over Navratri; use Sunday family time for a weekly fruit-vegetable market visit together, engage your whole family in nutrition knowledge and fitness.
• Name and negotiate the barriers. It is okay to say, “I need 30 minutes for me.” It is okay to ask sons, daughters and husbands to take over one chore. Health is a family project, not a woman’s solo assignment, and I assure you, they will eventually thank you for it; as a healthy and happy ‘You’ is a great asset to the whole family and good Knowledge and Lifestyle will stand them in good stead when their time comes.

Mid-life also means being honest and compassionate to yourself. Body shapes change; cycles change; libido changes; skin and hair change. None of these reflect or reduce your worth. Health work is not punishment for “ageing”; it is a gift to your future self. Now let us try to formulate a plan to get going.

A Quick Engagement Activity (Try This Week)

If you are reading this with a little spark, catch it. Here’s a simple five-day plan you can start today:

• Day 1—Food audit: Write everything you eat and drink. Don’t judge, don’t cheat yourself.
• Day 2—Movement baseline: Do the one-minute sit-to-stand test and a 10-minute walk after dinner.
• Day 3—Sleep wind-down: Create a 30-minute screen-free pre-bed routine. Try it once.
• Day 4—Breath break: Do 5 rounds of 4–6 breathing or Anulom- Vilom in the afternoon slump.
• Day 5—Buddy call: Invite one friend or family member into any one of your new habits.

Repeat the cycle next week, adding one small upgrade to each day (an extra serving of sabzi, two more minutes of walking, five more minutes of earlier bedtime, one extra breathing set, one more buddy message). Keep it playful, not punishing.

A Roadmap (If This Were a Live Workshop)

In the live workshop, we warm up with the shloka, set a shared intention, and then travel through the six pillars with demonstrations (how to assemble a balanced Indian plate, how to do safe wall push-ups, how to stretch the calves and hamstrings, how to set a phone “sunset” mode, how to do 4–6 breathing). We help everyone write a three-line personal plan for the next 14 days and pair them up as accountability buddies. We close with a simple, family-friendly call to action.

This blog version distils all that into words you can keep, revisit, and send to your circle. Because change is easier together.

Coming Back to the Shloka

I like to end where I began:

At forty and beyond, the body is asking for balance, not heroics. The mind is asking for kind structure, not guilt. And the heart is asking for companionship—people who walk with you, cheer small wins, and hold you on days you falter.

I have seen this work—in my practice, in my family, and in my own life. When we give ourselves permission to start small and stay steady, mid-life becomes not a decline but a deepening. We feel lighter in the morning, steadier at work, kinder at home, and more ready for the adventures we had postponed. We still have decades to live; let’s make them strong, mobile, and joyful.

This blog is my invitation: pick one pillar today and take one tiny step. Text a friend to join you. In a few months, you will look back and smile at how it all began—with a shloka, a short walk, a bowl of sabzi, and a quiet promise to be your own friend.

Here’s my call to action: Over the next two weeks, choose a pillar, write your “why” on a sticky note, and put it where you will see it daily. Share your first small step with someone you trust. When you feel ready, move to the next pillar. Keep the rhythm, not the race. Mid-life can be the most creative, courageous, and connected time of our lives. Let’s build it, one day at a time—together.

—Dr. Asha Jain

This blog grows out of my RMSCON Lifestyle Workshop introduction and slides.